I am in my early twenties, and I have always been single. I have never been in a serious relationship. I know that there are more important things in life than guys, but I can't help feeling bad when I see all my friends getting married and having kids. Even though I have a pretty great life, I've been feeling really down about this lately. I've never been in love, and I'm worried that I'll basically be alone forever. Is there something wrong with me? And can I do anything about it? What should I do?
Thank you for your question. I want to assure you that what you are feeling is perfectly natural for anyone in your situation. I guarantee you, you are not the only one in the world that feels this way. Our human nature longs to love and be loved in return, so even if there are other important priorities in life, it’s a perfectly normal thing to feel. On one hand, you feel happy for the progression of your friends’ lives—how could you not? But on the other hand, you sit wondering… Ok. When will it be my turn?
There is no underlying standard for what people qualify for love and what people don’t. There could be several different reasons why you haven’t found someone yet—wrong timing, not as many opportunities where you live, maybe men you’ve gotten close to struggle with commitment issues (maybe you do?), or it could just be the simple underlying fact that you haven’t quite found the one yet.
A lot of these reasons are beyond our control. And I’m going to say this and please, please take it to heart: there is nothing wrong with you if you are single and want love. I think the mere fact that you want to be in love and seem ready for it shows me that there is nothing wrong with you.
Your relationship status does not define your worth. As a society, we need to stop with that stigma behind the oh so often: “She/he’s in her/his late 20’s and not married yet because something is wrong with her/him.”
I know what you’re thinking—easier said than to actually believe. Well I’m going to say this: try. The more positive thinking we put into our lives, the less negativity we’ll feel. So maybe start with baby steps by stopping the thought process of, “I’m going to die alone,” and change it to “I can’t wait for the day that I find the one.”
Try to believe in yourself and the timing of your life, because each life is beautiful and unique. If you have to, fake it till you make it. Because I guarantee you, once that gent comes along that’s absolutely perfect for you in every way, your time waiting is all the sudden going to seem very miniscule compared to the rest of your life that’s waiting for you. And you’re going to be grateful that you waited for someone good.
In the meantime, work on building up your confidence. Work on being more open and try talking to guys first—because they’re human beings too that might need someone to take the first step. Work on being a well-developed human being that your future love can get to know and live a fulfilled life with.
Ditch the old-school stigma behind dating websites and join a legit one if your options are limited where you live. Say yes to first dates. But above anything, have some faith in yourself, and find the merits in being single and having fun with your friends for now. Because once you get in a serious relationship, there will be plenty of things that you cannot do while you are single. There are no rules to this thing, and your timeline can be however long or short it needs to be. So don’t sweat it, and we believe in you.