I was in love once, and we broke up for several different reasons. Our relationship was the best relationship I had ever been in and has some of the best times of my life. Now several years later, we reconnected and it's easy again between us. I know this may sound cliche, but there's something different about him now, years later, and I'm not one who believes in change very easily. I'm hesitant to step into this again, because I was pretty broken up after things ended, but I can't stop myself from wanting to give it another chance. Am I completely out of my head here? Am I an idiot? What should I do?
First things first—you are not an idiot. I might think there’s something wrong with you if you weren’t tempted by the best relationship you ever had! You’re not the first person, either, to want to get back together with an ex. To be honest, your situation is fairly common. Many people reconnect with past boyfriends/girlfriends because time apart has helped them realize that they were, in fact, the right person for them.
We gravitate toward the people that once made us so happy, even if there was hurt in the end. Like a mother who feels the pain of birth, and then the true joy of holding a newborn—she forgets the pain and years later will become pregnant again, even though she knows the pain will still be there. It’s a metaphor for life—balancing the pain of separation with the joy of reuniting.
So, you’ve reconnected with a past flame. And things seem different. The skeptics out there will tell you not to be naïve, not to fall for him again because only heartache is in your future—but not me. You say that you’re the type of person who doesn’t believe people change easily. That, alone, lets me know that when you say he’s changed, he’s most likely changed. With the help of hindsight, and a few more years of maturity and life experience, it’s no wonder he seems different. Because you should want him to be.
You wouldn’t want to be with someone who never grew or became a better person throughout their life, right? Couples who divorce or break up on T.V. often use the excuse “he’s not the man I married.” Well of course he’s not! Life has happened since then. He’s developing new hobbies, following new career paths, figuring out his life, starting a family with you—changes are inevitable, but, most importantly, they are good. Just make sure his changes are manifested in his actions, not just his words.
Let me tell you a story to prove my point. My sister dated a boy when she was fifteen, and liked him more than she has ever liked anyone. And it didn’t end well. A few years later they reconnected but several factors (bad timing, immaturity, moving thousands of miles away) broke them up again. A couple of years after that they began corresponding and—as adults with more experience in love and life—they reconnected permanently, married, and gave me the cutest nephew in all creation.
Don’t give up. If you have so many beautiful memories with him, and want to give him another chance, I say go for it.