I have had a crush on the same guy for quite a while now. I have a very flirty roommate and whenever I hang out with him, she’s all over him. It’s really uncomfortable, annoying, and hurtful to me. I’ve tried talking to her about it, telling her specifically that her actions have hurt me. She knows and has known how I feel about him. She claims that she liked him too and I knew that she liked him too, so I am just going to have to deal with it if I want to be her friend. The thing is, she flirts with every male including my other roommate’s boyfriend, but I am really worried that my crush is starting to reciprocate. He flirts back with her and will sometimes instigate the flirting. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?
My beautiful lady friend,
I want to give you a big hug right now and tell you everything is going to be ok. These situations are never easy, and sometimes we wish that dating could just be simple and laid-back. But I do have some news for you—it can be simple and laid-back if you want it to be. Let me tell you how.
Regarding your friend, you’ve done everything you could have done—you’ve told her how you feel about him and I’m assuming she knows how her actions have made you feel. Women generally aren’t oblivious when it comes to “being on the prowl.” I understand it’s frustrating and hurtful that she’s a huge flirt, but unfortunately, that’s just the way she is. There’s not much we can do about how other people choose to act and feel.
We can only control the way we choose to act and feel. So you have two options here: you can sit and be and angry that she’s this way, or you can just accept that’s the way she is and choose to rise above it. And you know what, if it really upsets you that much, then you absolutely have the right to not spend as much time with her anymore. You should not be around someone that hurts you, and if you told her that her actions hurt you, then you should definitely not be around someone that intentionally hurts you. If you’d like to remain her friend, maybe try approaching her again, tell her how you feel, and see what happens. Or you have the right to simply walk away and move on with your life. Though you might feel powerless about all of this, you really do have the control here.
Regarding your crush, I have one simple question for you: do you really want to date someone that doesn’t make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world he’s interested in flirting with? Now keep in mind, often our gentleman friends can be very oblivious when it comes to females. It could be that he’s not aware that he’s flirting back or maybe he just has a flirty personality like your friend.
But to be quite honest with you, personally speaking, any relationship that has required me to compete for someone’s affection has turned me off. It’s way too complicated for my taste. It sounds like you’re not into the petty dating games we sometimes get wrapped up in, so you have the choice to just not participate. And who knows, maybe you taking the higher road that will interest your crush.
But if not? Find a guy who will make you feel like the most wanted and desirable woman around. I promise you it will be much more worth it. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your crush, but if you have an awesome friendship and open communication with him, you could always express how you feel and see how he responds to it.
Like I said, keep it simple. You have the control over how you choose to feel in this situation. And trust me, if he’s really the guy that you’re supposed to be with, he will choose you. If he ends up liking your friend back? Good riddance! There will be someone else more perfect for you.
Hope that helps, and good luck!