By Sadie Young
Shout out to my ladies that use Tinder! I know, girl, you’re just on there for fun; you’re just bored and find it entertaining; you’re not looking for anything serious from it. I’ve heard it all, because I’ve said the same things. Tinder is, well, the epitome of this generation. Let’s look at some hot men, but really just a bunch of gym-going shirtless meatheads, and figure out which one I could stand to spend an evening with.
Tell me I’m not right! I’m just as stuck in this 20-something gen as you, so we might as well grin and bear it, and at the very least get some good stories out of it. So here's my Ode to Tinder: The Good, the Bad, and the Netflix & Chill.
I’m not going to say that every Tinder date I’ve been on has been an epic fail, because there’s some good in everyone, right? I’m searching through my archive of Tinder dates for this part—which dates were actually not terrible?
I found it! The dates that didn’t end in “Hey, wanna come back to my place?” were the best. Why? Because I was respected as a woman. There were no expectations of sexual favors (I wish I could say that with every date I’ve been on).
Ladies, every time I make out with someone on a first date there’s about a 99% chance that I’ll never talk to him again. We used each other for a mutual need, not because we had any sort of care or interest for each other. That might sound outdated, but it works for me. So thanks respectable Tinder men, you’re one in about 1000.
Oh man could I go on this rant forEVER! We’ve all had them, the “Oh I left my wallet, could you pay?” dates. But Tinder has created a whole new category of bad dates/experiences. Such as the following:
I take gym selfies and am secretly compensating for something profiles.
If you’re brave enough to swipe right, these guys almost never message first. “You’ve padded my ego enough by swiping right, now come take a pic of me while I’m flexing my muscles bae.” If you do manage to go on a date with these guys it always starts and ends on the couch. “Netflix and chill yo, you down?”
All of my pictures are me partying hard and taking shots with like 12 girls.
Be warned, they might be hot, but they’re the most crude. “DTF girl, you in? ...Well I’m going to be” (insert winky face and mandatory “that’s what she said”). Except, the “that’s what she said” is actually what they meant by that statement. Run ladies, these are the worst.
I only have pictures of my face and look jaded and shy.
Oh he’s kind of cute and he looks sensitive, how adorable. Jk, he’s actually 5 feet tall and takes me back to his apt for ice cream and a movie in his pigsty of a room with a mattress and stack of blankets on the floor. Hell no. Never again.
I’m and adventurer and my pics show all of the cool outdoorsy things I do.
These can be hit or miss. They’ll probably message you, asking you if you want to go an adventure. For the spontaneous girls that don’t mind ending up stuck in a rain storm at the top of a mountain in the middle of the night, these guys are for you.
The Netflix & Chill:
Does this even need any explanation? I think not.
My Ode to Tinder now comes to an end. To my ladies: proceed with caution. Deuces.